Government Unveils Plan to House Political Donors in Lords Dormitory to Prove Residency
Under proposed amendments, anyone hoping their millions count as a legal donation will first need to spend several weeks sleeping in a bunk near the woolsack.
Officials confirmed this week that the residency requirements being added to legislation currently before the House of Lords will not simply ask donors to fill out a form. Instead, prospective donors will be required to take up temporary lodging in a newly converted committee room, complete with a shared kitchenette and a chores rota pinned beside the mace.
"We came together as one house, divided," said a spokesperson for the scheme, before excusing themselves to attend a subcommittee about towel allocation. Donors will reportedly be issued a laminated residency card only after completing a minimum stay, attending two debates in person, and learning the correct way to bow to the Woolsack.
The measure is expected to draw complaints from any party whose donors are unaccustomed to communal living, though ministers insist the dormitory wing is merely the most literal possible reading of the word "residence." A trial run is said to include bunk beds, a communal noticeboard for lost post, and a suggestion box shaped like a ballot box.
Critics have questioned whether the arrangement is workable at scale, noting that the Lords' existing tea room already struggles with queueing during votes. Supporters counter that nothing proves genuine UK residency quite like six weeks of shared bathroom time with a hereditary peer.