Kennedy Center Board Votes to Power Building Only While Trump Is Inside
New resolution reportedly links lights, climate control and ticket sales directly to the president's physical presence in the lobby.
The Kennedy Center's board, in the same set of resolutions warning of imminent closure, has reportedly approved a backup plan that does not involve fundraising, ticket sales, or grant applications, but instead a network of motion sensors calibrated to detect one man.
Under the plan, the building's lights, elevators, and box office terminals will only draw power while the president is on the premises. A folding chair has been placed just inside the main entrance, marked with a small brass plaque reading RESERVED FOR RESCUE.
"We came together as one institution, dimmed," said an unnamed board spokesperson, before excusing themselves to check whether the revolving door still counted as 'inside.'
Maintenance staff have reportedly been instructed to track the president's location via a single doorway sensor, with a five-minute grace period built in for restroom breaks and photo opportunities. Anything longer triggers a full building shutdown, including the gift shop registers.
Board members have not said what happens to any performance still underway at the moment the president departs, though early drafts of the contingency plan reportedly include the phrase "the show ends when he does."