New US Board Requires Afrikaners to Prove Their Suffering Is Bad Enough
A fledgling federal office says it can only grant refugee status to applicants whose hardship paperwork clears a minimum sadness threshold.
The newly formed Oppression Sufficiency Board, tasked with reviewing Afrikaner refugee applications, has begun returning rejection letters that cite what officials describe as 'insufficiently distressing documentation.'
Applicants are asked to submit a narrative of their persecution alongside supporting materials, which reviewers then score against a checklist that weighs factors such as whether the applicant still owns a swimming pool, whether their case for feeling threatened includes an actual threat, and whether their overall tone reads as sufficiently anguished.
'We came here ready to describe true suffering,' said a rejected applicant reached by phone, 'and they told us our suffering needed more supporting exhibits.' A spokesperson for the board would not confirm whether a passing score exists, only that no applicant has been told what it is.
Board staff say the process is meant to protect the integrity of the refugee designation, though several reviewers admitted privately that they mostly reject applications where the applicant appears, in the words of one internal memo, 'too well-adjusted to have fled anything.'
Applicants who are rejected may appeal by resubmitting a longer, sadder version of their original story, though the board notes that repeat submissions are themselves sometimes flagged as evidence of resilience, and therefore grounds for a second rejection.