Postal Service Unveils New Plan: Ballots Now Require a Dramatic Reading
Having lost its bid to restrict mail voting outright, the agency says the least it can do is make sure every ballot gets a proper table read first.
Following the Supreme Court's rejection of the mail-in voting restrictions, the U.S. Postal Service says it has found a workaround that respects both the ruling and what it calls its 'delivery integrity mandate.' Under the new procedure, a letter carrier will visit each mail voter's home, remove the ballot from its envelope, and read the selections back to the voter in a clear, neutral tone before resealing it for transit.
Agency officials describe the change as a courtesy rather than a restriction, noting that nothing in the ruling prevents a carrier from simply narrating a ballot's contents on someone's porch. Voters who decline the reading will reportedly be offered a shorter summary version, delivered in haiku, or the option to have their ballot mailed back unread but accompanied by a small pamphlet titled 'Ways Your Vote Might Still Count.'
A spokesperson for the carrier's union, speaking only as 'a guy named Gary who does this route,' said morale is mixed. 'Some people like the company,' he said. 'Others just want their mail. We're trying to strike a balance between civic engagement and not being late for lunch.'
The agency insists the program is temporary and will be reevaluated after the midterms, pending a follow-up review to determine whether ballots should also require a second, unrelated carrier to read them back a second time for consistency.