EU Offers Canada Associate Membership, Plus a Punch Card
Ottawa reportedly needs ten more stamps of regulatory compliance before it can redeem a free continent.
Brussels unveiled its associate membership offer to Canada on Wednesday alongside a laminated welcome packet that includes a maple-leaf lanyard, a phrasebook of EU acronyms, and a punch card requiring ten verified purchases of European regulation before the country becomes eligible for full membership rewards.
"We came together as one union, tiered," said a spokesperson, before excusing themselves to laminate a second card in case the first one got wet.
Officials explained that each stamp is earned by adopting a directive, attending an orientation seminar, or successfully pronouncing the word 'subsidiarity' in a closed-door session. Canada's delegation reportedly earned its first stamp simply by showing up with the card already filled out from a decade of trade meetings.
Under the proposed terms, associate members receive early access to summit buffets, a starter-pack version of the parliament newsletter, and the right to sit in on debates without a chair, provided they bring their own.
A full membership card, once completed, can be redeemed at any participating capital for one continent, taxes and vetoes not included.