New US Office of Greenlandic Needs Opens, Immediately Requires Approval for Its Own Coffee Order
Officials say the agency created to handle "all other needs" in Greenland is still working out whether it counts as one of its own needs.
Within hours of the announcement that the United States would assume "permanent control over security, and all other needs" in Greenland, a newly chartered federal office opened a single-window service center in Nuuk to begin processing what it called the full scope of that mandate.
The office's first act was to circulate a form requiring residents to list their daily needs in triplicate, ranked by urgency, for review by a case officer stationed in a trailer behind the old fish market. Early submissions reportedly included requests for permission to adjust a thermostat, reschedule a dentist appointment, and reorder a preferred brand of coffee, all of which were forwarded to a subcommittee for further study.
"We came together to serve every need, however small," said a spokesperson for the office, before excusing themselves to file a request with their own department for a longer lunch break. The request was still pending at the time of publication.
By the end of the week, the office had generated more paperwork than it had resolved needs, prompting a second office to be formed with the sole purpose of processing requests submitted to the first. Danish officials, asked to confirm the arrangement, said they were reviewing the paperwork required to review the paperwork.