Lithuania Announces National 'Evacuation Day,' Complete With Suitcase Parade and Early Dismissal
Officials say rehearsing the apocalypse is easier to schedule than preventing it.
Under the newly unveiled program, every household in Lithuania will be issued a government-approved suitcase and a designated evacuation route, both to be used once a year on a date chosen for maximum foot traffic and minimum inconvenience to weekday commutes.
"We wanted something that captured the spirit of readiness without the disruption of an actual emergency," said a local organizer, adjusting a lanyard that read PARADE MARSHAL, NOT INVASION MARSHAL. "Also there will be a marching band."
Participants will walk a scenic two-kilometer route to a designated safe zone, where they will be served commemorative snacks before boarding buses back to their original homes in time for the evening news. Officials say the route was selected for its Instagrammability rather than its proximity to any actual border.
Critics have asked whether an evacuation exercise that ends with everyone returning home for dinner constitutes evacuation at all. Organizers responded that the suitcases are reusable, the route is wheelchair accessible, and the whole event will be followed next year by another, identical event, indefinitely, which they insist is the point.