UN Podium Now Equipped With Annihilate/Peace Deal Toggle for Faster Diplomacy
Engineers say the console shaves hours off deliberation by letting world leaders skip the rhetoric and go straight to the outcome.
Facility staff at UN headquarters confirmed this week that the General Assembly podium has been retrofitted with a small illuminated console featuring two buttons, one marked PEACE DEAL and the other ANNIHILATE, positioned within easy reach of the microphone.
The upgrade was requested, according to an unnamed procurement memo, after several speeches ran long while leaders weighed the two options aloud in front of a live audience. A facilities spokesperson, who declined to be identified, said the console 'removes the guesswork for everyone in the room, including the leader doing the guessing.'
During a trial run, one head of state reportedly hovered a finger over both buttons for several minutes while officials from the affected country watched from the sidelines meeting next door, sipping coffee and periodically checking a monitor that displayed only the words 'PENDING DECISION.'
A UN technical committee is reportedly drafting a follow-up proposal to add a third button marked 'ASK AGAIN LATER,' though members have not yet agreed on whether that button should light up or simply hum quietly until someone notices.
No timetable has been set for when the console will be used, largely because nobody on the technical committee could agree on who gets to press it.