New Sea Spiders Told to Wait in Line at Immigration Before Being Officially Discovered
Ottawa says no species enters the taxonomic record without first proving it can hold a conversation in one of the two official languages.
Marine biologists who located the two previously unknown sea spider species off the Canadian coastline say they are thrilled with the find, though somewhat less thrilled with the paperwork that followed. Before either species can be entered into the global registry of more than 1,300 known sea spiders, both must now file residency applications with the federal government.
The application requires each species to demonstrate, among other things, an intention to reside permanently within Canadian waters and a working knowledge of English or French. Researchers have proposed a leg-tapping cadence as a stand-in for spoken fluency, though officials have not yet confirmed whether tapping qualifies as an official language or merely a dialect.
"We came together as one benthic community, divided," said a ministry spokesperson, before excusing themselves to attend a subcommittee meeting on whether invertebrates require a permanent mailing address.
Until the applications clear processing, the two species will reportedly be listed in scientific literature as 'pending' rather than 'discovered,' a distinction researchers say has never previously applied to anything without a pulse, let alone anything with eight legs and no discernible interest in citizenship.
Field teams say they remain hopeful the spiders will be approved in time for the next taxonomic update, though they note the appeals process for a rejected sea spider has, as of yet, no precedent and no form.