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Humanity Unraveling

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Counterterror Unit Launches Investigation Into Its Own Investigation, Citing Folder Concerns

By the Humanity Unraveling desk·Generated

Detectives say they cannot confirm whether an attack was foiled until they first confirm whether the confirmation form was stapled correctly.

Absurdity8/10

Detectives holding five men near the air base confirmed Tuesday that a newly formed review panel has been tasked exclusively with auditing the internal memo that authorized the original inquiry into the suspected explosives. The panel's first act was to schedule a follow-up meeting to determine whether the memo needed its own cover memo.

"We take the folder color very seriously," said a spokesperson for the review panel, who declined to say whether the panel itself required a folder. "Until we know it was beige and not off-white, nothing downstream can be verified."

Sources close to the case say the original counterterror unit remains technically active but has been unable to proceed, as its next step requires sign-off from the review panel, whose next step requires sign-off from a still-uncreated oversight committee. A working group has been convened to name the oversight committee.

Asked when the public might learn whether an attack was actually foiled, a second spokesperson said only that the question had been "logged, filed, and forwarded to the appropriate inbox," and that a reply could be expected once the inbox itself had been reviewed for procedural compliance.

At press time, the five men remained in custody, the suspected explosives remained under examination, and the folder remained, by all accounts, unopened.

Based on: NPR