MOD Unveils Bold New Security Plan: Let the Trespassers Guard the Fence
Officials say putting arrested intruders on perimeter duty is the fastest way to find the gaps nobody else noticed.
Following an arrest connected to an incident at RAF Fairford, the Ministry of Defence has quietly rolled out a pilot scheme in which anyone released on bail over a base-security matter is assigned nightly patrol shifts along the same stretch of fence they allegedly approached.
"Nobody understands our perimeter weaknesses better than the person who just found one," said a spokesperson, adjusting a high-visibility vest two sizes too large. "It's efficient. It's circular. It's basically free labour."
Under the scheme, patrol assignments double as bail check-ins, meaning the same official who signs the conditions also signs off on the shift rota, and the same gate log records both the original incident and its nightly re-enactment. Base officials describe this as "a closed loop" and decline to say whether anyone has pointed out that it is also a security risk shaped like a doughnut.
A review panel is reportedly considering extending the model to other sensitive sites, on the theory that anyone caught near a facility clearly has a professional interest in its weak points and should be given a lanyard rather than a caution.
At press time, the pilot's only measurable outcome was a noticeably more detailed map of the fence line, compiled nightly by the person contractually obligated to keep walking past it.