Foreign Ministries Reportedly Finalizing 'Drone Strike Welcome Package' for State Visits
Protocol officers say a fireball timed to a chancellor's surprise arrival now counts as a formal greeting, provided it's logged on the correct itinerary form.
Diplomatic protocol divisions across several foreign ministries are said to be drafting new guidance recommending that the timing of any ongoing hostilities be coordinated with the arrival schedules of visiting heads of government, so that an explosion occurring near a motorcade can be filed as part of the official welcome rather than as an unscheduled interruption to it.
Under the proposed guidance, advance teams would cross-reference strike windows with motorcade routes, ensuring that any fireball visible from a bridge or overpass lands within what one internal memo reportedly calls "the ceremonial glow radius," the zone in which an explosion reads as atmospheric rather than alarming.
"We came together in a spirit of transparency," said a spokesperson for no ministry in particular, "to formalize what has, until now, been an awkward and entirely unplanned coincidence," before stepping away to laminate a new seating chart that accounts for incoming ordnance.
Officials emphasize that the package is entirely optional and that any host city is free to decline the welcome tier, though declining reportedly triggers an automatic downgrade to the standard tier, which consists of a handshake, a flag, and whatever was already on fire beforehand.