Pentagon Announces Bombers Will Simply Never Land Again, Problem Solved
Citing a threat that could theoretically reach any runway on Earth, defense officials unveil a new strategy built entirely around staying up there.
Following reports of a possible Iranian threat that prompted the removal of long-range bombers from a British base, defense planners have reportedly concluded that the only truly secure location for the aircraft is the sky itself, and have announced a policy of indefinite flight.
The plan calls for round-the-clock aerial refueling, with tanker crews rotating through shifts so the bombers can stay topped off and never again touch down on a runway that could, in theory, be compromised.
"We ran the numbers and the safest airspace turned out to be more airspace," said a spokesperson for the program, speaking on condition of anonymity while explaining the decision to simply remain up there going forward.
Flight crews have reportedly been told to expect permanent in-flight rotations, swapping out through hatches mid-mission so that the bombers, like the policy behind them, never actually have to stop.
Officials have ruled out any future landing, noting that since any airstrip anywhere could theoretically be considered a target, staying aloft is simply the last option left on the table.