Missouri Unveils Congressional Map That Redistricts Itself Weekly to Outrun the Supreme Court
State officials say the new 'living map' updates every Monday at midnight, ensuring litigation is always one district behind.
NPR·Absurdity 7/10
Politics archive — page 4
60 storiesPages are numbered from the oldest story, so a numbered page always holds the same stories it held the day you found it.
Senate Republicans Vote to Keep War Going So As Not To Set a Precedent for Finishing Things On Time
Lawmakers who blocked a resolution to end the Iran conflict reportedly worried that stopping a war before a scheduled recess might normalize efficiency.
NPR·Absurdity 7/10
White House Convenes Task Force to Investigate Mysterious Disappearance of Press Coverage
The commission, chaired by the officials who confiscated the credentials, will meet behind closed doors with no reporters present to observe its findings.
The Guardian·Absurdity 6/10
NIH Unveils New Grant Program to Study Why NIH Grants Keep Disappearing
The agency's last research dollars will fund exactly one project: an investigation into itself.
NPR·Absurdity 9/10
Home Office Unveils Bold New Border Strategy: Reviewing Very Thoroughly From Dry Land
After two boats reached Kent unintercepted, officials have created a standing authority whose only task is reviewing the lack of interceptions, with no vessels, staff or radar assigned to actually intercepting anything.
The Guardian·Absurdity 9/10
Judge Weighs Restoring White House Press Access Via Pop Quiz on the First Amendment
A federal hearing over a press ban took a turn toward standardized testing, with credentials reportedly contingent on multiple-choice mastery of constitutional law.
NPR·Absurdity 5/10
DOJ Proposes In-House Editing Desk So Reporters Stop Getting Things Wrong Before They Write Them
Officials say the new review office will save everyone time by approving accurate stories in advance.
NPR·Absurdity 7/10
UN Podium Now Equipped With Annihilate/Peace Deal Toggle for Faster Diplomacy
Engineers say the console shaves hours off deliberation by letting world leaders skip the rhetoric and go straight to the outcome.
BBC News·Absurdity 5/10
Coalition Considers Letting Home Buyers Put Their Actual Retirement Up As Collateral
Under the revised proposal, missed mortgage payments would be settled not in dollars but in years, with banks repossessing borrowers' sixties, seventies, or however much retirement is left on the account.
The Guardian·Absurdity 7/10
Networks Comply With Trump Video Ban By Airing Impersonators Instead
Executives say the arrangement satisfies both the blackout and their obligation to cover the presidency, just not the president.
The Guardian·Absurdity 6/10
White House Moves to Un-Appoint the Judge It Appointed, Erasing His Own Ruling
Officials say the cleanest way to overturn an inconvenient decision is to make it as though the judge who wrote it never existed in the first place.
The Guardian·Absurdity 7/10
White House Unveils New Press Pass: Must Defeat Press Office In Court First
Officials say the credentialing process is simpler than it sounds, provided reporters can out-litigate the very office deciding whether they get in.
BBC News·Absurdity 7/10