UN Amends Charter to Let Netanyahu Finish His Rebuttal List First
Delegates agree the General Assembly cannot discuss Yemen, the Palestinian Authority, or anything else until every named critic has been addressed one by one.
NPR·Absurdity 7/10
World archive — page 4
76 storiesPages are numbered from the oldest story, so a numbered page always holds the same stories it held the day you found it.
Paris Forms Commission to Hold Masses Deciding Who May Attend the Mass
Officials say the qualifying rounds are going so well they may need a second Mass to pick who attends the qualifying Mass.
BBC News·Absurdity 9/10
Unesco Accredits AI Pope as Permanent Diplomatic Delegate
After Pope Leo's real-world address on artificial intelligence, organizers say a hologram version of the pontiff will now represent the papacy at all future conferences.
The Guardian·Absurdity 7/10
US and China Agree to Settle All Disputes via Gift Basket Diplomacy Going Forward
Trade, security and technology talks are shelved indefinitely in favor of a rotating schedule of increasingly large parcels.
BBC News·Absurdity 7/10
Italian Schools Roll Out Integration Scanners That Keep Foreign Students Just Outside the Classroom
New doorway devices enforce the national face-covering ban and foreign-student cap simultaneously, ensuring no student is ever technically inside the room they're integrating into.
BBC News·Absurdity 7/10
Trump and Xi Clear Entire Agenda Using Buzzer System, Aides Confirm
Officials say the summit's famously long list of issues was dispatched in record time once someone produced a kitchen timer.
NPR·Absurdity 6/10
UN Unveils Official Walkout Leaderboard, Rotating Trophy for Fastest Exit
After being branded moral cowards for leaving early, delegates will now be timed, ranked, and occasionally applauded for their speed.
BBC News·Absurdity 7/10
Ethiopia and Tigray Launch Joint Ministry of Mutual Accusation to Streamline Blame Before Resuming War
As airports change hands amid dueling claims of drone strikes, both sides agree that no further offensive can begin until the appropriate accusation paperwork clears review.
BBC News·Absurdity 8/10
Liberian Couples Now Must Divorce Over Spreadsheet Disputes Before Cash Aid Clears
A financial-planning requirement meant to help needy families spend wisely has evolved into a filing system where disagreeing about the grocery line item ends a marriage on paper.
NPR·Absurdity 7/10
Board of Peace Unveils $2.45bn Plan to Keep Discussing the $2.45bn Plan
A sidelined meeting at the UN produces a fresh commitment to hold more sidelined meetings, with the entire budget earmarked for future scheduling.
BBC News·Absurdity 9/10
Trump, Xi Summit Ends With Historic Agreement To Meet Again Later
Aides on both sides confirmed the two-hour session produced no policy outcomes but a firmly settled calendar slot.
NPR·Absurdity 7/10
Trump, Xi Let Their AI Chatbots Hash Out the Summit While They Wait Outside
Determined to prove that people, not machines, are steering the AI race, both leaders agreed to let two negotiating algorithms handle the entire meeting instead.
BBC News·Absurdity 6/10