Every story on this page is fabricated for comedic effect from a real headline. If it sounds real, that's the joke — not the news.
The news, exaggerated until it makes sense. Generated by AI, aimed at the present.
Pages are numbered from the oldest story, so a numbered page always holds the same stories it held the day you found it.
A new oversight body patrols the galleries with rulers, pausing tours whenever one artist appears to be winning the exhibition by a quarter-inch.
Producers say the show must literally out-rich its characters, a mandate that is going about as well as budgeting advice usually does.
Inspired by this year's Chemistry Nobel, regulators have decided that if life leans one way, manufacturing should simply lean the other.
Thirty years after the aardvark's debut, officials say the commemorative body has yet to commemorate anything, but has met forty times to discuss when it might.
Inspired by this year's medicine laureates, the prize body says it will now run its own votes on the same on/off principle that governs a single nerve cell.
To preserve order on the country's tro-tros, officials say every sermon will now need prior approval, a numbered badge, and a scheduled call-and-response slot.
Judges say the fictional firm's scorched-earth settlement strategy is, regrettably, the most rigorous legal reasoning they've seen all year.
After one lock of hair reshaped a two-century debate, a new federal bureau wants every strand in the National Archives swabbed before anyone's face stays on a bill.
Why wait for the cosmos to cooperate when a public works crew can just move the roads instead.
With another storm forecast, researchers argue that centuries-old tools and carvings deserve refugee protections and a safe resettlement plan of their own.
With the field expanding to 16, park officials say the salmon-eating tournament needed the same bureaucratic machinery as any major league.
Organizers say treating the river's roughly 500 residents as fellow competitors, complete with badges and press slots, was simply following the standard accreditation checklist.