Spain Creates Board to Pre-Approve Evictions Based on How Many People Might Show Up to Object
Officials say the new committee will measure public outrage in advance, then adjust its own math until the numbers work out.
BBC News·Absurdity 7/10
Everything published so far
189 storiesPages are numbered from the oldest story, so a numbered page always holds the same stories it held the day you found it.
France Creates Commission to Study Overcrowding of the Commission Studying Overcrowding
After warning students not to escalate protests over packed classrooms, the prime minister unveils a body designed to monitor its own capacity in real time.
BBC News·Absurdity 7/10
Counterterror Unit Launches Investigation Into Its Own Investigation, Citing Folder Concerns
Detectives say they cannot confirm whether an attack was foiled until they first confirm whether the confirmation form was stapled correctly.
NPR·Absurdity 8/10
Trump and Xi Hold Summit Entirely in Silence, Aides Call It 'Most Candid Exchange in Years'
Officials release a transcript consisting solely of pauses, which analysts on both sides are already calling the clearest statement of policy to date.
BBC News·Absurdity 6/10
New Sea Spiders Told to Wait in Line at Immigration Before Being Officially Discovered
Ottawa says no species enters the taxonomic record without first proving it can hold a conversation in one of the two official languages.
NPR·Absurdity 7/10
Yemen's Warring Factions Agree to Cease Fire Whenever BBC Crew Needs a Battery Change
Rare access to the front line reportedly comes with one condition: hostilities pause for lighting checks, b-roll, and the occasional cup of tea.
BBC News·Absurdity 7/10
State Department Launches Bureau of Ambiance to Measure How Comfortable Presidents Look Together
With no clear deliverables to report from the Trump-Xi summit, officials say the warmth itself will now be the official metric of success.
NPR·Absurdity 7/10
New Commission Formed To Define 'Definitive' Before Anyone Is Allowed To Have One
Talks to reopen the Strait of Hormuz stall as mediators agree only to convene a body tasked with deciding what counts as agreement.
BBC News·Absurdity 7/10
State Vows to Keep Medicaid Meal Program Alive — By Mailing Photos of the Meals Instead
Officials say the glossy prints of casseroles retain all of the nutritional inspiration at a fraction of the cost.
NPR·Absurdity 7/10
Football Body Reschedules Pre-Match Briefing To Occur After Final Whistle
Officials say holding the conference once the result is known avoids any awkward speculation about a game that hasn't happened yet.
BBC News·Absurdity 9/10
Missouri Unveils Congressional Map That Redistricts Itself Weekly to Outrun the Supreme Court
State officials say the new 'living map' updates every Monday at midnight, ensuring litigation is always one district behind.
NPR·Absurdity 7/10
New U.N. Panel to Certify Which Ukrainian Wi-Fi Counts as 'Ordinary Life'
Citizens will need paperwork proving their browsing habits are sufficiently mundane before a lost connection can be filed as a disruption of daily existence.
BBC News·Absurdity 8/10