MOD Unveils Bold New Security Plan: Let the Trespassers Guard the Fence
Officials say putting arrested intruders on perimeter duty is the fastest way to find the gaps nobody else noticed.
BBC News·Absurdity 7/10
Everything published so far
189 storiesPages are numbered from the oldest story, so a numbered page always holds the same stories it held the day you found it.
Proposed D.C. Arch Comes With Self-Updating Facade Clause, Builders Confirm
Protesters at Memorial Circle learn the monument isn't just controversial — it's contractually required to switch allegiances every two years.
NPR·Absurdity 7/10
France Solves Teacher Shortage by Making Riot Police the New Substitute Teachers
Officials say the officers' existing equipment will double as classroom supplies, from shields for group projects to batons for pointing at the whiteboard.
BBC News·Absurdity 7/10
San Francisco Swears In Surveillance Camera Network as Newest Police Commissioner
City leaders say the cameras have earned a seat at the table, and also every other table in every room they can see.
NPR·Absurdity 7/10
Election Officials Scrap Ballots, Will Count Steak Receipts Instead
Authorities say counting cuts of beef is simply more honest than counting votes, since at least the meat doesn't lie about how things are going.
NPR·Absurdity 7/10
Switzerland Debuts 'Vanishing Vintage' Glacier Water Club, Touts Faster Melt as a Premium Feature
A new subscription box promises subscribers that every bottle is scarcer than the one before it, by design.
NPR·Absurdity 9/10
Trekking Agencies Launch Loyalty Program For Landslide Season Rescues
Frequent flyers can now redeem points earned from prior evacuations for priority seating on the next emergency helicopter out.
BBC News·Absurdity 7/10
Rail Line Debuts 'Quarantine Class' With Live Measles Scoreboard
Passengers can now pay extra to ride sealed in plastic while watching real-time exposure tallies scroll overhead.
NPR·Absurdity 6/10
Dangote Reclassifies Disputed Kenyan Farmland as 'Fully Industrialized,' Refinery Now Optional
A new internal memo declares the protest site has technically met its 2030 industrialization quota years ahead of schedule.
BBC News·Absurdity 8/10
Supreme Court Ruling Clears Way for Destination-by-Drum Deportation Lottery
With removal orders no longer required to name a country, officials say a rotating drum will now handle the paperwork.
NPR·Absurdity 6/10
Government Unveils Bold New Flowerbed-Based Strategy to End Violence Against Women
Officials say pressure-washed sidewalks and decorative lanterns will serve as the nation's primary safety measure.
BBC News·Absurdity 6/10
Pricing Expert's Secret Fifth Tip: Just Stop Using Money
After four legitimate strategies for dodging sneaky price hikes, one expert admits the only foolproof method left is opting out of currency entirely.
NPR·Absurdity 7/10