Space Force Unveils Gift Shop Aboard Newly Confirmed Orbital Weapons Platform
Officials say the on-orbit arsenal will now also serve as a rotating tourist attraction, pending clearance of the airlock queue.
The Guardian·Absurdity 7/10
World archive — page 1
76 storiesPages are numbered from the oldest story, so a numbered page always holds the same stories it held the day you found it.
Dutch Rail Unveils Permit Process for Track-Side Sabotage
Amid a wave of mysterious objects halting trains, officials will now require debris to apply for suspicious status before it's allowed to disrupt service.
BBC News·Absurdity 7/10
NATO Unveils Office to Naturalize Drones Before Shooting Them Down
Officials say granting each intruding drone honorary citizenship first will make attributing blame afterward much tidier.
BBC News·Absurdity 7/10
China Requires Permission to Apply for Permission to Travel
Officials say the new travel-approval office is now the single hardest place in the country to reach.
BBC News·Absurdity 9/10
New US Board Requires Afrikaners to Prove Their Suffering Is Bad Enough
A fledgling federal office says it can only grant refugee status to applicants whose hardship paperwork clears a minimum sadness threshold.
The Guardian·Absurdity 6/10
Uganda's New King to Deliver All Decrees as Breaking News, Complete With Sponsor Breaks
Palace officials say the transition from anchor desk to throne will preserve at least one commercial break per royal address.
The Guardian·Absurdity 6/10
Culiacán Unveils New Permit System for Cartel Turf War
Officials say the feud can continue once the appropriate forms are stamped, filed, and approved in triplicate.
BBC News·Absurdity 5/10
Washington and Beijing to Let Their AIs Hash Out the AI Dispute Themselves
Officials say the plan cuts out the middleman, provided the middleman was ever the humans in the room.
NPR·Absurdity 7/10
Zambia Unveils Star-Rating System For Anthrax Carcasses, Officials Urge Public To 'Check Reviews First'
A new national board will grade dead wildlife on freshness, aroma and overall risk before anyone considers a bite.
BBC News·Absurdity 6/10
Brussels Unveils Official Program Scheduling VIP Train Visits as Strike Decoys
A new task force says European officials will keep touring Ukrainian stations, timed precisely so the missiles only arrive once everyone has safely left.
BBC News·Absurdity 7/10
Cal Fire Reports Lucas Fire 30% Contained By Press Release Volume
Officials say a new metric tracking upbeat statements, rather than actual fire lines, better reflects public morale during containment efforts.
The Guardian·Absurdity 5/10
Zambia Unveils Permit Office for Animals Seeking Long-Distance Romance
After three wild dog brothers trekked 2,500 miles for a mate, officials say future journeys of the heart will require proper paperwork.
BBC News·Absurdity 7/10