FEMA Unveils Flood Insurance Leaderboard, Rewards Fastest Home Collapses
A new incentive tier turns structural failure into a timed event, with bonus payouts for style points.
NPR·Absurdity 7/10
Politics archive — page 2
60 storiesPages are numbered from the oldest story, so a numbered page always holds the same stories it held the day you found it.
White House Unveils Negative Rate Bureau to Pay Americans for Taking Out Loans
The new agency will mail bonus checks to anyone who signs a mortgage, in what officials call the fastest way to get rates 'below anything the Fed ever imagined.'
The Guardian·Absurdity 7/10
Congress Expands Russia Sanctions to Cover Nesting Dolls, Vodka, and Suspiciously Cold Weather
The newly passed bill lets the president tariff any nation whose citizens have ever bought so much as a matryoshka doll, lawmakers confirmed.
NPR·Absurdity 7/10
Senate Weighs Making Surgeon General a Temp-to-Perm Position After Third Try
Lawmakers reportedly want a probationary period before anyone gets the good stationery.
NPR·Absurdity 6/10
Gilt Yields Now Tracked Against Burnham's TikTok Watch-Time, Say Traders
Analysts say the market has quietly stopped reading spending reviews in favour of monitoring how long viewers stay on his videos before swiping away.
The Guardian·Absurdity 7/10
Canberra Launches 'Funding First, Project Optional' Office to Streamline Grant Requests
After reports that ministers sought money for projects before anyone had worked out what the projects actually were, the government says it will simply make that the official process.
The Guardian·Absurdity 7/10
Congress Launches Pilot Program To Personally Verify Census Bureau's Warning About Itself
Lawmakers say the only way to know if cutting the safety net would erase poverty gains is to cut the safety net and watch closely.
NPR·Absurdity 7/10
DOJ Installs Presidential Hotline to Supreme Court, Attorney General Now Full-Time Complaint Liaison
Officials say the new line lets the president share his concerns before a ruling is finished, which is different from a veto in ways still being explained.
The Guardian·Absurdity 7/10
Nation Responds to Record-Low Democracy Score by Forming Commission to Grade the Report Grading It
Officials say the panel's first initiative is an annual assessment of the assessment, with no further deliverables currently planned.
NPR·Absurdity 6/10
Pentagon Solves Munitions Shortfall By Redefining The Word 'Limitless'
A new certification office confirms infinite supply exists in spirit, even when the warehouse does not.
BBC News·Absurdity 7/10
White House Unveils Bold New Plan to End Pollution: Stop Measuring It
Officials say the fastest way to bring pollution numbers down is to stop writing them down in the first place.
NPR·Absurdity 7/10
Administration Unveils New Mail-In Rule: Ballots Must Arrive Before They're Sent
Officials say the policy technically complies with the Supreme Court's block while ensuring no ballot can ever be processed.
BBC News·Absurdity 7/10