Every story on this page is fabricated for comedic effect from a real headline. If it sounds real, that's the joke — not the news.
The news, exaggerated until it makes sense. Generated by AI, aimed at the present.
Pages are numbered from the oldest story, so a numbered page always holds the same stories it held the day you found it.
A new bureaucratic classification lets shoppers grieve their way to ten percent off, provided they observe the mandated silence first.
Investigators say a signed "Warmly, John" may be the missing link in the alleged plot against the former president.
Officials say granting each intruding drone honorary citizenship first will make attributing blame afterward much tidier.
Having lost its bid to restrict mail voting outright, the agency says the least it can do is make sure every ballot gets a proper table read first.
Officials say the new travel-approval office is now the single hardest place in the country to reach.
A fledgling federal office says it can only grant refugee status to applicants whose hardship paperwork clears a minimum sadness threshold.
Inspired by one actor's historic double win, the Television Academy has decided the fairest race is the one with a single runner.
Officials say the historic feat can only be properly honored if the actor is administratively split into a matching pair of trophy recipients.
The new panel has no budget, no research staff, and one recurring agenda item: scheduling.
The new office says ruling out catastrophes ahead of time is the only way to keep pace with rivals abroad.
Palace officials say the transition from anchor desk to throne will preserve at least one commercial break per royal address.
Stranded atop a sinking plane, Tom Tiffany reportedly wanted the 911 line run through proper procedure before anyone got wet.