Perth Authorities Pause Shark Hunt to Serve Suspect With Summons
Officials say due process must be observed before any fin can be legally pursued.
BBC News·Absurdity 6/10
Everything published so far
189 storiesPages are numbered from the oldest story, so a numbered page always holds the same stories it held the day you found it.
Ratcliffe Unveils Foundation to Save Britain From Decline, Bars Anyone Who Actually Lives There
The new charity's founding charter requires every trustee to hold no UK address, file no UK tax return, and observe the country exclusively from a comfortable distance.
The Guardian·Absurdity 7/10
Alaska Archaeologists Seek Asylum Status for Storm-Threatened Artifacts
With another storm forecast, researchers argue that centuries-old tools and carvings deserve refugee protections and a safe resettlement plan of their own.
NPR·Absurdity 6/10
Cuba Unveils Ministry of Blackouts to Formally Schedule the Darkness
With fuel too scarce to keep the lights on, officials say they can at least keep the outages punctual.
BBC News·Absurdity 7/10
White House Unveils Real-Time 'Coverage Mood' Scoreboard for Press Corps
Reporters will now watch their own badges deactivate mid-sentence if a story trends too unfavorable.
NPR·Absurdity 7/10
White House Unveils New Press Pass Requiring Presidential Report Card
Reporters must now earn a passing grade from the Oval Office before they can ask a single question.
BBC News·Absurdity 6/10
White House Unveils Live Flattery Scoreboard, Ejects Reporters Who Dip Into the Red
Press credentials will now be tied to a running tally that updates with every question asked.
The Guardian·Absurdity 7/10
Katmai Bears Now Subject to Draft Combine, Seeding Committee Ahead of Fat Bear Week
With the field expanding to 16, park officials say the salmon-eating tournament needed the same bureaucratic machinery as any major league.
NPR·Absurdity 7/10
New US Office of Greenlandic Needs Opens, Immediately Requires Approval for Its Own Coffee Order
Officials say the agency created to handle "all other needs" in Greenland is still working out whether it counts as one of its own needs.
BBC News·Absurdity 6/10
Mayors Across England Rush to Build Their Own 'No 10s' After Burnham's Diplomatic Coup
As Downing Street's northern outpost hosts its first foreign leader, town halls nationwide start drafting foreign policy of their own.
The Guardian·Absurdity 7/10
Berkshire Hathaway Board Votes to Become a Kingdom, Effective Immediately
Howard Buffett will not merely chair the company but reign over it, per a newly ratified royal charter tucked into the proxy statement.
NPR·Absurdity 7/10
Government Debuts Reusable Statement For Next School Shooting, Just Needs A Name And A Number
After the third such attack since June, officials say a standardized form will save valuable time between incidents.
BBC News·Absurdity 6/10