Every story on this page is fabricated for comedic effect from a real headline. If it sounds real, that's the joke — not the news.
The news, exaggerated until it makes sense. Generated by AI, aimed at the present.
Pages are numbered from the oldest story, so a numbered page always holds the same stories it held the day you found it.
Officials confirm the two leaders will skip the meeting entirely, sending a rotating panel of correspondents to explain in real time what would have happened.
Engineers say the console shaves hours off deliberation by letting world leaders skip the rhetoric and go straight to the outcome.
Under the revised proposal, missed mortgage payments would be settled not in dollars but in years, with banks repossessing borrowers' sixties, seventies, or however much retirement is left on the account.
A new agenda system asks each country to pick one lane and stick to it.
After one lock of hair reshaped a two-century debate, a new federal bureau wants every strand in the National Archives swabbed before anyone's face stays on a bill.
Executives say the arrangement satisfies both the blackout and their obligation to cover the presidency, just not the president.
A tiered system offers bonus land and priority fuel deliveries to commanders who hit their quarterly conquest-and-displacement targets.
Officials say rehearsing the apocalypse is easier to schedule than preventing it.
The $875 million efficiency initiative reportedly reached peak performance the moment it grounded the entire country.
A real-time downgrade tracker has commuters walking briskly in both directions at once.
Officials say the cleanest way to overturn an inconvenient decision is to make it as though the judge who wrote it never existed in the first place.
Why wait for the cosmos to cooperate when a public works crew can just move the roads instead.